I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I pour the whiskey from now on
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