That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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