I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
