So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
