tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Life is so much better after having sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
