so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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