she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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