id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
