just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
