I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
