Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
