When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
