I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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