My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
