were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize