I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
