took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
