Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You brought string cheese to the strip club
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
