I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This is classic penis vs brain.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
