I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize