I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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