i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
