Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
