??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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