be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i believe in u and ur pee
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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