areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
sarcasm needs its own font
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
