Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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