CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
