I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
