Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
