How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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