she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
