I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
