Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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