Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
