fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize