Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
