I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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