what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
