listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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