sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
