Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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