running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
