I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize