Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
FUCK WHALES
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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