everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
