Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
