yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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