Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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