K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
