Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
