When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She's the barista slut.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
