Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
