I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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