nut hugger
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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