1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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