and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You took a bar mat shot.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
