If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
