Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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