Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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