you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
