I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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