I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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