Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
