There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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