I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
