i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
