eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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