dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
