Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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