I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
