Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
