The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
