mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
