i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
