There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
