I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize