So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
