At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
