He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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