I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
